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Myself crave insights from people regarding managing middle-aged struggles, including philosophical reflections, diminishing importance, developing a neck akin to a surrealist painting plus a fresh interest for A Place in the Sun. Recently, I came across the chef’s comments on turning 50 during a chat: “I think if you’re going to have a good go at the second half of your life, you have to edit away all the noise,” he said. “Spend time with positive individuals. I steer clear of downbeat types – ‘energy vampires’ – and am learning to decline more often.”

At first, I pondered: isn’t there a tension regarding shunning downbeat folks and mastering refusal? Could that imply he needs to dodge his own tendencies? I get it – such remarks define us negative types, and yes, I’m one of them. Yet, we gloomy souls like to call ourselves “vibe suckers”. Steer clear of labels like “killjoy” or “buzzkill” – equating us to mundane objects hurts; we do experience emotions (even if they’re mostly bleak). In a bind, I might tolerate “melancholy luxury blanket”.

It’s possible you’re also a member. Are you often the gathering’s pragmatist instead of its enthusiast? Does your detailed response to “How are you?” have your interlocutor edging away uncomfortably? Do you greet “fun” activity suggestions with an expression that makes you look like you’ve swallowed a slug? Do you strongly identify with Eeyore; has a psychic ever told you your aura is grey?

Should this ring true, welcome to the club, and it’s fine. Even as popular advice encourages cutting ties with “exhausting” pals, I believe we provide genuine benefits. It’s likely an energy vampire would have expressed doubts – or shown a grimace – upon hearing about the planned book with a First Nations lead done without input, possibly avoiding much trouble, distress, and disrespect. You don’t get that sort of service from “lovely people”.